Frame of Mind

Good morning, Hermie.

Your daddy and I were talking this morning and with you being the 4th we find it interesting that our (my) frame of mind is different than before.  With the first pregnancy I think I was naive to the idea of losing our baby.  Nobody talks about miscarriage, although it is very common.  Therefore, I guess I never really thought about it...and I was so excited to be pregnant.  The second pregnancy I was in denial.  I was disconnected due to fear of losing another baby.  I struggle with the "what if".  What if I would've gone to the doctor right away?  Could the loss of our second had been prevented?  This "what if" weighs me down a lot even though I try to look to the positive.  The third pregnancy I was angry.  I didn't want to be pregnant.

My mind frame is different with you little one.  I physically feel different.  My symptoms are strong.  I saw your fluttering, little heart beat.  My clothes are already snug.  I'm excited to share with others...but at the same time a little hesitant.  I look forward to every doctor's visit....even though I'm a little nervous too.  I'm already thinking about what it will be like to hold you, to hear your little cry and to look you in the eyes and call you ours.

I continually pray for you.  I enjoy this new frame of mind.  I love you.

Love,
Mommy